Men Rules

he he evo odgovora na zadanu temu....

TECAJ ZA MUSKARCE

Tecaj ce se odrzavati samo ukoliko bude dovoljan broj prijavljenih!
Popust ce biti samo za one koji se budu odlucili za sva predavanja.
Pedagoski cilj tecaja je: informacijski tecaj koji ce osposobiti onaj dio
muskog mozga za koji oni ne znaju da uopce postoji!

Modul 1: obavezni tecaj
1.nauciti zivjeti bez mame (2000 sati)
2.moja zena/cura nije moja mama (350 sati)
3.razumjeti da je nogomet samo sport (500 sati)
Modul 2: zivot u dvoje
1.imati djecu i ne biti ljubomoran (50 sati)
2.prestati govoriti gluposti kad curi/zeni dodju prijateljice (500 sati)
3.prevladati sindrom ''daljinskog'' (550 sati)
4. ne urinirati pored/oko wc skoljke (100 sati + prakticni dio s video
snimkama)
5. razumjeti da cipele ne mogu same u ormaric za cipele (800 sati)
6.kako doci do kosa za prljavo rublje a da se ne izgubite (500 sati)
7.kako prezivjeti blazu prehladu bez dramatiziranja (100 sati)
Modul 3: slobodno vrijeme
1.opeglati kosulju za manje od 2 sata (prakticki dio)
2.probavljati hranu bez riganja, dok za to vrijeme ona pere posudje
(prakticni dio)
Modul 4: tecaj kuhinje
1.stupanj (pocetnici !): kuhinjski aparati ( ON ukljuci- OFF iskljuci)
2.stupanj (napredni !): moja prva Podravka juha bez suvisnih posuda i
zagorjelog lonca
+ prakticni dio : zavrijeti vodu prije dodavanja spageta.

MALO TEZE I DUBLJE TEME

Zbog kompleksnosti i zahtjevnosti tema dovoljno je da se upise barem 8
kandidata.
Tema 1: pegla - od perilice do ormara...taj misteriozni proces (500 sati +
prakticni dio).
Tema 2: opasnosti pri punjenju posudice za led (demonstracije i video
snimke)
Tema 3: ''Ti i elektronika'' : ekonomske prednosti pri zvanju majstora za
popravak (cak i za ona osnovna)
Tema 4: Zadnja znanstvena otkrica: kuhinja i odnosenje smeca ne
prouzroeava
impotenciju i tetraplegiju (praksa u laboratoriju)
Tema 5: nije protuzakonito kupiti zeni ruze iako ste vec u braku
Tema 6: ''Raste li toaletni papir na roli za toaletni papir ?''
Tema 7: ''Kako spustiti poklopac wc skoljke...korak po korak'' (prakticni
dio + video konferencija s Harvardom)
Tema 8: ''Zasto nije potrebno vjetriti s plahtom kada prdnes?'' (praksa u
parovima)
Tema 9: I muskarci vozaci smiju pitati prolaznike za smjer i nece
izgledati
smjesno (uvjeravanja)
Tema 10: deterdzenti: doziranje - upotreba ( prakticni dio; prvo u
laboratoriju da ne bi slucajno uneredili stan)
Tema 11: stoj za pranje rublja/posudja...bezgranicna zagonetka
Tema 12. osnovna razlika izmedju kosa za prljavo rublje i poda
(laboratorijski pokus)
Tema 13: ''Muskarac kao suvozac: Da li je genetski moguce da ne govori i
upozorava kad ona parkira?''
Tema 14: ''Da li salica od kave moze sama preletjeti do sudopera?''
(prakticni dio vodi David Copperfield)
Tema 15: nadprosjecna komunikacija: mentalne vjezbe za razumjevanje da je
nesto u polici, a da ne pitate ''u kojoj polici i u kojem ormaru!''

izjave savršene žene
1. Sve ću progutati... I obožavam okus.
2. Jesi li siguran da si dovoljno popio?
3. Dosadno mi je. Idemo obrijati moju macu!
4. Ne bi li trebao biti u birtiji s kolegama?
5. Super si se isprdio, daj opet!
6. Odlučila sam prestati nositi odjeću po kući.
7. Tako si seksi kad si mamuran.
8. Radije bih igrala playstation nego išla u kupovinu.
9. Uzmimo pretplatu na private gold!
10. Bi li volio vidjeti snimku mene kako ližem kolegici?
11. Bi li me za promjenu većeras mogao maznuti u guzu?
12. Obožavam nogomet, vodi me na utakmicu!
13. Radije ti vozi, bolji si vozač od mene. Osim toga, svi znaju da žene ne
znaju voziti.
14. Žene nisu trebale dobiti pravo glasa, bolje nam je u kuhinji.
15. Veliki motor je bolji od auta.
16. Baš me briga što mi dupe izgleda veliko u ovim hlačama, idemo se
napiti.
17. Dugo nismo izašli s tvojim frendovima, ajmo u pivnicu.
18. Zašto se ne možeš malo opustiti i cimnuti koju votku sa mnom?
19. Znam da kasniš na posao, ali daj mi da ti popušim još samo jedanput.
20. Ciljaj gdje ti paše, sperma je dobra za kožu.


i doktore??

- Ako naporno radis, nikad "nemas vremena za nju".
> - Ako nista ne radis, onda si "bezvrijedna
> ljencuga".
> - Ako ona ima dosadan posao i malu placu, onda je to
> "iskoristavanje".
> - Ako ti imas dosadan posao i malu placu, onda: "bi
> trebalo da mrdnes dupe
> i potrazis bolji".
> - Ako dobijes unaprijedenje prije nje, onda je to
> "favorizovanje
> muskaraca".
> - Ako ona dobije unaprijedenje prije tebe, onda ste
> imali "podjednaku
> sansu".
> - Ako kazes da lijepo izgleda, onda je to "seksualno
> uznemiravanje".
> - Ako nista ne kazes, onda je to "muska
> ravnodusnost".
> - Ako places, onda si "slabic".
> - Ako ne places, onda si "neosjetljivo kopile".
> - Ako je udaris, to je "zlostavljanje zene".
> - Ako ona udari tebe, to je "samoodbrana".
> - Ako nesto odlucis bez nje, onda si "sovinist".
> - Ako ona nesto odluci bez tebe, onda je ona
> "slobodna zena".
> - Ako je zamolis da uradi nesto sto joj se ne svida,
> onda je to "muska
> dominacija".
> - Ako ona zamoli tebe, to je "usluga".
> - Ako ti se svida zensko seksi donje rublje, onda si
> "perverznjak".
> - Ako ti se ne svida, onda si "peder".
> - Ako volis da zena brije noge i da se odrzava u
> formi, onda si "seksist".
> - Ako ne volis, onda si "seljak".
> - Ako se ti trudis da ostanes u formi, onda si
> "sujetan".
> - Ako ne, onda si "prostak".
> - Ako joj kupis cvijece, onda "sigurno trazis neku
> protivuslugu".
> - Ako joj ne kupis cvijece, onda si "neobziran".
> - Ako si ponosan na ono sto si postigao, onda si
> "narcisoidan".
> - Ako nisi, onda si "neambiciozan".
> - Ako ona ima glavobolju, onda je "stvarno umorna".
> - Ako ti imas glavobolju, onda je "vise ne volis".
> - Ako cesto trazis seks, onda si "prepotentan".
> - Ako ne, onda " postoji neka druga".

Pa ti sad znaj...

poison girl je napisao/la: › 7. Tako si seksi kad si mamuran.

Znao sam!
U ovo sam siguran!

poison girl je napisao/la: › izjave savršene žene 6. Odlučila sam prestati nositi odjeću po kući. 9. Uzmimo pretplatu na private gold! 13. Radije ti vozi, bolji si vozač od mene. Osim toga, svi znaju da žene ne znaju voziti. 16. Baš me briga što mi dupe izgleda veliko u ovim hlačama, idemo se napiti. i doktore??

8 je napisao/la (Pogledaj post): › poison girl je napisao/la: › 7. Tako si seksi kad si mamuran. Znao sam! U ovo sam siguran!

i jebozovan

poison girl je napisao/la (Pogledaj post): › 8 je napisao/la (Pogledaj post): › poison girl je napisao/la: › 7. Tako si seksi kad si mamuran. Znao sam! U ovo sam siguran! i jebozovan

Znam, uvijek me jebe glavobolja... ;-)

nekog nešto. važno je da se uživa

dakle što reći mislim da ste vi sve već rekli. mada onaj tečaj mi se čini nekako ok... pomalo feministički ali....

dobra dresura je važna

neja, tečaj ti je preeedobaaaaar!!!
odmah upisujem nekoliko kandidata, samo javi kontakt

Savršeno! A zašto bismo se , uopće i razumjeli?

Uostalom, "Muškarci su iz birtije, a žene s placa" , zar ne?

game je napisao/la: › neja, tečaj ti je preeedobaaaaar!!! odmah upisujem nekoliko kandidata, samo javi kontakt

e samo da znam tko bi imao tonu živaca i 1000 praksića minimalno - naravno i dovoljno hrabrosti da vodi tečaj

barem desetoricu bi upisala
na žalost...tečaj je zajebancija, ali što više čitam, uviđam da je sve točniji... tužna istina
muškarci su s Marsa, žene sa Venere...

Men vs. Women
Some subtle (and some not so subtle) differences

Handwriting:

Men: To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch.

Women: Women use scented, colored stationery and they dot the “i” with circles or hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in the “b” and “g". It is a pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she’s dumping you, she will put a smiley face at the end of the note.

Groceries:

Women: A woman makes a list of things she needs, then goes out to the store and buys those things.

Men: A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett’s car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the express lane.

Relationships:

Women: When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled “All Men Are Idiots". Then she will get on with her life.

Men: A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, “I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I’ll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you’re a total floozy. But I want you to know that there’s always a chance for us.” This is known as the “I Hate You / I Love You” drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need.

Sex:

Women: They prefer 30-40 minutes of foreplay.

Men: They prefer 30-40 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place part of the foreplay.

Maturity:

Women: They mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can function as adults.

Men: Most 17-year old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.

Magazines:

Men: Men’s magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman’s body.

Women: Women’s magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day. Most naked men elicit laughter from women.

Bathrooms:

Men: A man has six items in his bathroom – a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.

Women: The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 437. A man cannot identify most of these items.

Shoes:

Women: When preparing for work, a woman will put on a wool suit, then slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk.

Men: A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day. Let’s not talk about how many days he’ll wear the same socks.

Cats:

Women: Women love cats.

Men: Men say they love cats, but when women aren’t looking, men kick cats.

Children:

Women: A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams.

Men: A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Dressing Up:

Women: A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail.

Men: A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.

Laundry:

Women: Women do laundry every couple of days.

Men: A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants (the ones that were hip about eight years ago) before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the Laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the Laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by reruns of old episodes of “Love American Style.”

Eating Out:

Men: When the check comes, each man will each throw in $20 bills, even though it’s only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.

Women: When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators.

Mirrors:

Men: Men are vain and will check themselves out in a mirror.

Women: They are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface: mirrors, spoons, store windows, bald guys’ heads.

Menopause:

Women: When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of these changes varies with the individual.

Men: Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction - he buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for a Porsche.

The Phone:

Men: Men see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people.

Women: A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

Richard Gere:

Women: Women like Richard Gere because he is sexy in a dangerous way.

Men: Men hate Richard Gere because he reminds them of that slick guy who works at the health club and dates only married women.

Madonna:

Same as above, but reversed. Same reason.

Toys:

Women: Little girls love to play with toys. Then when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest.

Men: Men never grow out of their toy obsession. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive, silly and impractical. Examples of men’s toys: little miniature TVs. Car phones. Complicated juicers and blenders. Graphic equalizers. Small robots that serve cocktails on command. Video games. Anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least 6 “D” batteries to operate.

Cameras:

Men: Men take photography very seriously. They’ll shell out $4000 for state of the art equipment, and build dark rooms and take photography classes.

Women: Women purchase Kodak Instamatics. Of course, women always end up taking better pictures.

Locker Rooms:

Men: In the locker room men talk about three things: money, football, and women. They exaggerate about money, they don’t know football nearly as well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women.

Women: They talk about one thing in the locker room - sex. And not in abstract terms, either. They are extremely graphic and technical, and they never lie.

Movies:

Women: Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene. This is because every movie in the history of movies has been produced by a man.

Men: The only actor who has ever appeared nude in the movies is Richard Gere. This is another reason why men hate him.

Jewelry:

Women: Women look nice when they wear jewelry.

Men: A man can get away with wearing one ring and that’s it. Any more than that and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic.

Conversation:

Men: Men need a good disagreement to get talking. For instance, “Wow, great movie.” or “What are you, nuts? No REAL cop would have an Uzi that size.”

Women: Women, not having this problem, try to initiate conversations with men by saying something agreeable: “That garden by the roadside looks lovely.” “Mm hmm.” Pause. “That was a good restaurant last night, wasn’t it?” “Yeah.” Pause. And so on.

Leg Warmers:

Women: Leg warmers are sexy. A woman, even if she’s walking the dog or doing the dishes, is allowed to wear leg warmers. She can wear them any time she wants.

Men: A man can only wear leg warmers if he is auditioning for the “Gimme the Ball” number in “A Chorus Line.”

Friends:

Women: Women on a girls’ night out talk the whole time.

Men: Men on a boy’s night out say about twenty words all night, most of which are “Pass the Doritos” or “got any more beer?”

Restrooms:

Women: Women use restrooms as social lounges. Women who’ve never met will leave a restroom giggling together like old friends. Women also go to the restroom in packs, at least two women at a time excuse themselves to use the restroom.

Men: Men use restrooms for purely biological reasons. Men in a restrooms will never speak a word to each other. And never in the history of the world has a man excused himself from a restaurant table by saying, “Hey, Tom, I was just about to take a leak. Do you want to join me?”

ah, tako točno, tako žalosno i tako smiješno